Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
