You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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