My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
