she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
