you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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