I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
