so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
