i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
