I've blown a few things in my day
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love having hate sex.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
