I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
