i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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