New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
