This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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