when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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