What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
