If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
