what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
