her facebook's as public as her vagina
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
