I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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