My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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