So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
