her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
