Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
