Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
