As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
