weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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