Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
