what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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