How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still have a little drunk in my system
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
