I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
