do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
