Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
