i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
