is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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