what day is it and did you see me today?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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