I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
