are you so shy because you have an std?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I checked into jail on foursquare
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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