it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
