I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
