first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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