sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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