Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
