Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
