3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
