Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
