Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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