My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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