yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
