Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
