actually, I'm a sock model
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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