she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
