It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
