We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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