this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
