She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
