Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
